By The TOLEDO TRIBUNE
Imagine a ball between us. I look at the ball and confidently say, “It’s red.” You, just as certain, respond, “No, it’s yellow.” Frustration builds.
“What are you talking about? The ball is obviously red!”
“And I’m telling you, it’s yellow!”
The argument escalates, emotions flaring, until—at last—we pause. We step around the ball and see the other side. Your side of the ball is yellow, mine is red.
In that moment, the argument shifts. The disagreement doesn’t vanish, but a new understanding emerges: there’s more than one perspective. Perhaps, after looking again, I might even say, “Well, I’d call it mustard rather than yellow.”
This is the heart of mediation—helping people pause, step back, and consider what someone else sees. It’s not about erasing differences or forcing agreement. It’s about understanding, even when we still disagree.
In my experience as a mediator, I’ve found that conflict rarely arises from outright malice. We may perceive someone’s actions as selfish or deceptive, but if we stop to examine their perspective, we often find motives rooted in something they believe is good. Problems arise when desires clash, decisions are made without listening, and emotions cloud judgment.
Take the example of our town, Toledo. The Toledo Tribune has investigated recent conflicts and uncovered a pattern familiar to anyone who studies disputes. Noble intentions spiraled into chaos, not because anyone involved set out to harm others, but because of poor communication. Decisions were made without listening, and each subsequent choice only compounded the problem.
When communication breaks down, tensions rise. Accusations fly, threats are made, and anger takes hold. In this environment, bitterness grows—like vines with thorns that choke the person they ensnare and harm those nearby.
Mediation thrives in these situations, but only when people are willing to listen. Effective communication requires more than just speaking; it’s about truly hearing what others are saying. I’ve learned that 80% of communication is listening, 19% is staying silent to reflect, and just 1% is talking. Most of us reverse those numbers, which leads to misunderstandings and resentment.
Bitterness is particularly destructive. When someone refuses to forgive or let go of perceived wrongs, those emotional vines tighten. The only way forward is to confront the bitterness, uproot it, and clear the way for growth and understanding.
As Toledo moves forward, I encourage everyone involved to pause and ask, “What does the other side see?” You may not agree, but even a glimpse into another’s perspective can make a world of difference. If we start by listening, we can unravel resentment, repair relationships, and create a foundation for cooperation and peace.
Conflict is inevitable, but how we approach it defines our future. Will we cling to our side of the ball, or will we step around and see the other side?
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